How do you spell 'emasculate'? Seems like a funny question in a written article, but I pose it for a very good reason. I propose we change the spelling of that word...not the meaning, just the spelling. I propose we change the spelling to: M-I-N-I-V-A-N.
The reasons I have are few, but powerful. First, there is nothing about the adjective 'mini' that appeals to men. There is no real good reason why, we just don't like that word. There aren't a lot of men driving around a Mini Cooper, and that is as close to cool as the word gets. We also don't like maxi. That was ruined by women.
VAN - what is it with that word that made car manufacturers think it would appeal to a man. Nothing. I think it was targeted at women. Thus, another reason for changing the spelling of emasculate. Men like acronyms for their vehicles, like SUV. We will drive an SUV because it sounds cool, and has both sport and utility in the acronym. It says "I'm going to have some manly fun and at the same time be useful." That is what we are all about. SUV carries some amount of freedom in the name.
I think car makers originally thought of Family Utility Carrier, but shelved that one for obvious PR reasons.We recognize the utility of the minivan. Many of us come around to coping with a minivan. But we never get over having one. That is why we look at a Porsche with such affection. We wonder what it would be like to take a curve and not worry about how top heavy we are and will the juice in the back spill if we go too fast. There is no back. The Porsche is all about speed and quickness. Now you see me - *zoom*.
We love our families, we really do. We don't know what we would do without them. There is no sacrifice that is too great for our families, but something gets put on the alter to be sacrificed.
And that is the position I find myself in today. We recognized a need for an emascualtion, I mean minivan. I have actually recognized it for quite some time now, I have just resisted, kicking and screaming. So today we divested ourselves of the SUV and bought a minivan. My feelings were succinctly encapsulated by my good friend when he said, "Welcome to that point that no man wants to gets to." (He has been to the same altar before me.) So here I am - minivanned.
The reasons I have are few, but powerful. First, there is nothing about the adjective 'mini' that appeals to men. There is no real good reason why, we just don't like that word. There aren't a lot of men driving around a Mini Cooper, and that is as close to cool as the word gets. We also don't like maxi. That was ruined by women.
VAN - what is it with that word that made car manufacturers think it would appeal to a man. Nothing. I think it was targeted at women. Thus, another reason for changing the spelling of emasculate. Men like acronyms for their vehicles, like SUV. We will drive an SUV because it sounds cool, and has both sport and utility in the acronym. It says "I'm going to have some manly fun and at the same time be useful." That is what we are all about. SUV carries some amount of freedom in the name.
I think car makers originally thought of Family Utility Carrier, but shelved that one for obvious PR reasons.We recognize the utility of the minivan. Many of us come around to coping with a minivan. But we never get over having one. That is why we look at a Porsche with such affection. We wonder what it would be like to take a curve and not worry about how top heavy we are and will the juice in the back spill if we go too fast. There is no back. The Porsche is all about speed and quickness. Now you see me - *zoom*.
We love our families, we really do. We don't know what we would do without them. There is no sacrifice that is too great for our families, but something gets put on the alter to be sacrificed.
And that is the position I find myself in today. We recognized a need for an emascualtion, I mean minivan. I have actually recognized it for quite some time now, I have just resisted, kicking and screaming. So today we divested ourselves of the SUV and bought a minivan. My feelings were succinctly encapsulated by my good friend when he said, "Welcome to that point that no man wants to gets to." (He has been to the same altar before me.) So here I am - minivanned.
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3 comments:
Awww, honey. We'll get a Porsche when the kids are grown. We'll be the coolest 80-year olds on the planet! :)
Hilario. What an excellent birthday present for you. Now you'll have to do time trials getting 18 pieces of luggage neatly tucked into the trunk of the miniman..I mean minivan :)
Wow dude. I never thought I would see you in a MINIVAN. The Solara days are long gone. Enjoy your egg on wheels.
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